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Q: My teenagers are good kids. There are many things I want to communicate to them before they go off to college in a few years. But I can't get them to respond when I try to share what's on my heart. What's the secret to having meaningful conversations with teens?

Jim: Having raised two sons to adulthood, I can sympathize. My boys can be pretty interactive now, but there were times when just one syllable (or even a grunt) was about all Jean and I could get out of them.

As parents, we need to observe ourselves and recognize if we're falling into the pattern of trying to impart wisdom through one-sided lectures. That's way too easy to do -- especially when we're not getting the response we'd like. Simply telling our children about life won't prepare them for the real world. That requires relationship. And relationship develops by deliberately talking WITH them, not at them. Here are a few suggestions.

First, model humility. When we parents admit we're wrong, it helps our kids feel safe to open their hearts. Sharing your emotions appropriately teaches them it's okay to be authentic with trusted people.

Second, take advantage of available moments. Try making that ten-minute drive to school a "tech-free zone" and having a dialogue instead.

Third, listening is a vital part of conversation. So, give your kids space to share what they really feel -- even/especially if you disagree. Ask open-ended questions. Teens who feel listened to will feel valued. That in turn can make them much more willing to open up and share.

Finally, welcome their questions. That's how kids explore their beliefs and grapple with new ideas. Allow them the freedom to dig beneath the surface and ask challenging questions.

For more tips on communicating with your children of all ages, visit FocusOnTheFamily.com.

Q: My wife and I make regular date nights a priority. But the last couple of outings have gone sideways because we ended up arguing about issues we've been facing. Should we just forget date nights until we get things sorted out?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: Allowing conflict to invade your recreation is like throwing a red shirt into the washer with white clothes. Even just one small shirt can destroy an entire load of laundry by turning it pink (I might have some personal experience in this area). Likewise, just one tiny issue encroaching on your relaxation can damage the entire date night experience.

The reason is that conflict intensifies negative emotions. Painful memories flood into your awareness, and you both may become frustrated. As this progresses, it becomes virtually impossible to relax and enjoy each other. When this pattern repeats too often, you both may lose the desire to do fun things because the experience ends up turning "pink."

So before your enjoyment is destroyed, interrupt sensitive discussions or arguments by agreeing to talk about the issue later. Reschedule the conversation when you can provide the necessary attention it deserves ... and when it won't mess up the fun time you've planned. Simply say: "Let's not do this right now. How about we talk about that issue later when we're back at home?"

Here's the critical key: You must deal with the conflict issue later, or your spouse won't trust that you'll ever talk about it again. Instead, they'll continue to express the negative feelings during your date -- because past experience has reinforced that it'll be the only opportunity.

By not allowing conflict to interrupt your recreation, you're communicating an important message: "Our relationship is more important than impulsively arguing about a problem." Make time for maintenance, and make time for fun.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2025 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.