ArcaMax

I love mystery. No, not the murder-mayhem crime scene. The mystery that moves me (and maybe you after you consider my words) is the aura, the enchantment and the spell we can weave around ourselves. But before we get to that, know that my kind of mystery has nothing to do with game playing or trickery in relationships; in my value system, they're the pits. That said, let's get on with being a woman of mystery.

Don't tell everything about yourself -- your workday, your family, your past. All of that is important to knowing you, of course, but best not to spill it right now. Rein in most of your life story when you two are just beginners at knowing each other's back story. Warm feelings are just starting to make themselves known, so enjoy the nonverbal warmth of holding hands and smelling his after-shave lotion. Affection is in its early stages; no sense in cluttering the scene with lots of facts and words, no matter how flowery. Both of you are busy forming mental impressions. He's occupied in making sense of your words while smelling that subtle bath oil you've doused on your wrists and other pulse points. (Ahem.) And do remember the power of a smile. One warm smile begets another. (I promise.)

The truth is that you're looking. Everyone's always looking. For an hour, a night, a lifetime, people are looking for someone they can be themselves with, laugh with, pool their issues with. But they don't want a reality show too early in the process. Yes, it is a process, honestly -- a weeding-out, listen-up and growing-up process. Nothing like shared responsibility (and other things) to fast-forward grownup-ness (coined here and now).

But keep in mind that this is all without mind games and girlie goo-goo eyes. It's early on, and though you both have passed some preliminary tests, it's way too soon to know anything substantive. You're probably testing for common interests now. Common values are still to be determined. And, my friend, they are far more important in building a twosome that endures.

Back to mystery. (Forgive. I do get carried away.) I guess what I'm saying is that you should strive to be more than a date, to be an interesting woman with opinions, likes and dislikes, purpose, ambitions, thoughts -- a woman who speaks her mind with grace and femininity. A woman of mystery leaves unsaid some facts and opinions for next time. She has a life of her own she's willing to talk about, but not the first time out. That's my idea of mysterious womanhood. Oh, how I wish it to you.

========

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.