ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in my friend's wedding a year ago, and now her anniversary is coming up. However, in the last six months, it does not seem like the marriage is going well, and I'm honestly not sure if the couple is still together.

This leads me to wonder whether I should even mention her anniversary on the day. I think texting "Happy anniversary!" is out of the question, and even posting something like, "Ah! A year ago, we were all together, celebrating you!" feels like it would just make my friend feel bad that her marriage did not go the way she expected. But then, it also seems rude to not say anything!

GENTLE READER: If you do not know if the couple is still together, then Miss Manners infers that your own interactions with the bride have also been somewhat infrequent -- supplemented, perhaps, by digital glimpses over social media.

In such a case, you would not be expected to have an exact recollection of an anniversary date, and may therefore confine yourself to simply checking in, as the saying goes. If you invite her out for a meal around the one-year mark, it could be explained (as you learn more) as either a sympathy visit or a celebration.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family holds an annual reunion, and members rotate who hosts it. One night of the reunion weekend is typically a nice dinner.

Our cousins hosted this year's reunion dinner, and just before the meal, several of their friends arrived. These guests were not family members, and over half of the family did not know them.

These people were very nice, and we enjoyed their company, but none of us were aware that non-family members would be invited, and there was no precedence for inviting friends to our family reunion.

Some of us found it to be inappropriate, but we are curious what Miss Manners thinks. Should we say anything to the hosts?

GENTLE READER: You could ask them if this is the new precedent: "We were so happy to meet your friends, but I think some family members were surprised and confused that we had acquired new ones. Should we open up our reunion to others from now on?"

If the friends were pleasant, however, Miss Manners does not see any reason to exclude them on principle. You may even find it is more fun to have them there. Most families behave better when there's outside company.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The owners of a business for whom I did some work threw a company barbecue and asked guests to sign up to bring a dish.

I was stunned, and did not attend for a few reasons: 1. The staff creates the owners' income for them. 2. A sign-up sheet? Really?? And 3. The owners are VERY wealthy. A caterer would have been very accessible.

GENTLE READER: This company may want to solicit more effective ways to thank their employees. Miss Manners suggests they put up a sign-up sheet.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN