ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I've lived in my home for eight years, and it's always felt like a peaceful place to land. My husband and I have put a lot of care into it, not because we're perfect but because we enjoy sitting outside and making our yard feel welcoming. We planted a few shrubs, we keep the grass trimmed, and I love tending to my small flower bed in the spring.

A few months ago, new neighbors moved in next door, and their yard has become a constant source of stress for me.

I'm not talking about "a busy season" or "they missed a weekend." Their yard is completely unkempt. The grass is knee-high. Weeds have taken over. There are piles of branches and leaves along the fence that never get bagged. Near the side of their garage sits a growing collection of broken outdoor items, including an old lawn chair and a couple of plastic bins that look like they've been there since move-in day.

The part I can't stop thinking about is the impact on the rest of us. Last week, I was watering my plants when I saw a rat (or a very bold mouse) dart out of their tall grass and disappear under my hedge. I actually froze. We have a dog, Pippa, and she's always sniffing along that fence line. I've started worrying about ticks, pests and who-knows-what hiding in the weeds once warmer weather hits.

Here's what makes this hard: The neighbors seem fine as people. The wife, "Marie," has waved and introduced herself. Her husband, "Charlie," keeps to himself but has nodded hello. They aren't loud, rude or hostile. They just don't seem to care about the yard at all. I don't know if they're overwhelmed, dealing with health issues or simply have different standards.

A friend came over for coffee recently, looked out the window and said, "Oh ... wow." I laughed it off, but I felt embarrassed and irritated, like I'm the one failing some neighborhood standard.

I don't want to start a feud. I don't want to call the town and be "that neighbor." But I also don't think it's fair that we're the ones worrying about critters and staring at a mess every day.

Is there a respectful way to bring this up without sounding judgmental? Or do I need to accept that I can't control what happens on someone else's property? -- Next Door and Nervous

Dear Next Door: You can't control their yard, but you can control your boundaries and your sanity.

Speak with Marie kindly and directly. Tell her your concern about pests and ticks with the tall grass along your shared fence, and ask her if she would mind trimming that section back. Keep your concerns specific. Avoid giving her a general speech about standards. Sometimes people truly don't realize how far something has gone.

If nothing changes, check your town's nuisance or overgrowth rules and report it without drama. That isn't being "that neighbor." That's using the grown-up version of a referee when someone won't stop hogging the ball.

And in the meantime, create your own visual fence -- a row of shrubs, a privacy screen or taller plantings. If they insist on living like they're on a nature preserve, you're allowed to put up a tasteful border.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.