Life Advice

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Health

Longing to Connect With a Quiet Son

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: My son lives at home, but he has no interest in talking to me. He doesn't eat meals with me and my husband. He just stays in his room and comes downstairs to cook his own food, which is invariably a pan-fried sandwich, possibly with air-fried breaded chicken, followed by crisps and a packet of biscuits. It's a shame. I'd love to have something to talk to him about, but he doesn't show enthusiasm or a desire to connect.

He intends on going to university in Salford next year, which I'm pleased about. It will be a change of scenery for him and a good experience. He is a nice boy, kind and good-natured. I do love him, and I just want him to be happy, but he doesn't appear to me to be.

He doesn't drink, so he hasn't gotten into that scene. But he also doesn't seem to have any friends. He's quiet but seems content on his own; he goes out during the day, but I don't know where he goes. Truthfully, I don't really want to ask him in case it will reaffirm the lonely life I think he leads. -- Saddened by Son

Dear Saddened: Your son wouldn't be the first teen to keep his life private from his parents, which can make it hard to know what's really going on. But quiet doesn't always mean lonely. He's in that in-between stage -- still under your roof, but with one foot already in adulthood.

Small, low-pressure invitations can help bridge the gap. Ask if there's a meal he'd enjoy that you can make and eat together as a family. See if he needs anything for university, whether that's shopping, packing or something else. And yes, college will be good for him; kids who've spent years feeling a bit out of place often find "their people" and really come into their own.

If you ever notice signs that go beyond that of the typical teen -- such as major physical changes, risky behavior, withdrawal or self-harm -- trust your instincts and step in. For now, keep the door open and your support at the ready. A reserved young man can still be a perfectly healthy one.

Dear Annie: On my daily walks around my neighborhood, I always say hi to the other sidewalk walkers. Sadly, the greeting is seldom returned.

 

Why doesn't everyone respond "Hi" back? We all see each other head-on about to pass by. -- Friendly Neighbor in Lincoln, NE

Dear Friendly Neighbor: I'd bet there's nothing personal behind your neighbors' silence. Odds are, people are lost in thought, listening to music, in a rush to walk the dog before a work call or simply waiting for their coffee to kick in.

Keep saying hi, whether it's reciprocated or not. It's free to be kind, and one of these days, someone is bound to return the greeting.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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