ArcaMax

Dear Annie: A few years ago, a group of us started a book club that became one of the highlights of our month. We'd gather with good food, wine and plenty of laughter, and occasionally even talk about the book. For a long time, it was pure fun.

But over time, one member began to dominate everything. She interrupted constantly, turned every discussion back to herself, and flooded our group text with photos of her meals, her outfits and long comment threads that made the rest of us silently roll our eyes.

Several of us tried to address it gently, hoping she might get the hint, but nothing changed. Before long, people stopped responding to messages and started skipping meetings. What had once felt easy and joyful began to feel like an obligation.

Eventually, someone suggested ending the group altogether. But after a few weeks, a few of us realized how much we missed each other, just not the drama. So we started a new book club, smaller and simpler, and didn't include her.

Word got out. She found out and sent a hurt, angry message. Now everyone feels awful, even though we just wanted to reclaim something that used to make us happy.

How do we handle this gracefully without reopening the chaos we worked so hard to escape? -- Torn in the Book Club

Dear Torn: You handled this more kindly than most groups would have. You tried to talk with her, gave her chances to change, and when things didn't, you made the healthiest choice you could to protect the joy that had vanished from something you once loved.

It's understandable that she feels hurt, but that doesn't mean you did something cruel. You didn't set out to exclude her; you simply chose peace over exhaustion. You don't owe her an apology for that.

If she reaches out again, respond with kindness but keep it brief. You might say, "We really valued the time we all shared, but the group has changed direction. I wish you all the best." Then leave it there.

Sometimes protecting your peace will look like rejection to others, but that doesn't make it wrong. Friendships and groups evolve. You're allowed to move forward gracefully and guilt-free.

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