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DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my daughter went "no contact" with both sides of our family -- grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, as well as cousins. Since then, I have been struggling with how I should answer acquaintances who ask, "How is she doing?" as well as those who ask, "Do you have children?"

I have been told by friends and family that I should tell the acquaintances that I don't know why because she doesn't speak to the family. However, I have found this response leads to more uncomfortable questions. I am embarrassed to have to tell people "Yes, but she does not speak to us" -- and worse, try to answer "Why?" Lately, I have been telling people, "No, we don't have children" so I won't have to explain.

Can you advise me how I can answer these questions without explanations, embarrassment or lies? -- FORMER PARENT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FORMER PARENT: As a matter of fact, I can. Tell the questioner, "I have one daughter. We are estranged, and I don't wish to discuss it further." Period. It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have had a tumultuous relationship. Right now, it's good, but the issue I'm having is that his bed is super uncomfortable and so is his couch. He spent a lot of money for both of them, but I am unable to sleep or get comfortable on his couch. How do I tell him he needs to replace them or else I don't want to spend the night with him or watch movies on the couch at his house? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Start by telling your boyfriend that you can't get a good night's sleep in his bed because the mattress is uncomfortable for you. Do the same thing after watching TV on his couch. If your back needs more support, he shouldn't regard it a personal insult. Then invite him to YOUR place so he won't feel rejected.

DEAR ABBY: As I approach my 100th birthday, I wish you would educate people that a gift certificate for a meal from a restaurant or a donation to feed the hungry would be far more appreciated than bouquets of expensive flowers that wilt and die. It would also be a thoughtful gift to my caretaker, who prepares my meals and could use a break. Choices for seniors become fewer as we age, and good meals are one of the simple pleasures left. Thank you. -- CENTENARIAN IN GEORGIA

DEAR CENTENARIAN: Warmest congratulations as you near your milestone birthday. Your suggestion that a restaurant gift certificate is far more practical than receiving flowers (or an automatically renewing magazine subscription) is a good one. I hope readers will appreciate the spirit in which it was offered. I especially like the fact that you would use it to spare your caregiver the pressure of preparing at least one of your meals.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

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