ArcaMax

*Juan Valdez names his donkey after you

*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked

*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth

*You sleep with your eyes open

*You have to watch videos in fast-forward

*You lick your coffee pot clean

*Your eyes stay open when you sneeze

*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse

*...Read more

Waiter, this soup tastes funny?
Then why aren't you laughing!

What do you get if you cross a US President with a shark?
Jaws Washington!

Why is it not safe to sleep on trains?
Because they run over sleepers!

Why do you keep doing the backstroke?
I've just had lunch and don't want to swim on a full stomach!

How do we ...Read more

What happened when the ghost asked for a whiskey at his local bar?
The bartender said "Sorry sir, we don't serve spirits here"!

Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people!

What's the witches favourite pop group?
Broomski Beat!

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party?...Read more

A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, and everything but lunch hours. Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services.

Then he noticed one item buried in ...Read more

If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering":

1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on...Read more

"War of The Worlds" is continuing to do huge business. You know the H.G. Wells classic where the earth is invaded by aliens and they can't be stopped. They went from city to city vaporizing everything in their path. And California still voted to give them driver's licenses." --Jay Leno

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"President Bush had a minor bike accident ...Read more

1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to."

3. "I was working smarter-not harder."

4. "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper."

5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning ...Read more

Here in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge-- into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sittin' on the porch swing talkin ...Read more

No body

No body

No body

No body

No body

Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches ...Read more

- Climax, Michigan
- Spread Eagle, Wisconsin
- Needmore, Arkansas
- Hardup, Utah
- Intercourse, Pennsylvania
- Hornytown, North Carolina
- Conception Junction, Missouri

What's the world weakest animal?
A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!

What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole!

What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
Lily!

What do Scottish toads play?
Hop-scotch!

Three nurses died and went to Heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who questioned them.

"What did you used to do back on Earth?" he asked the first nurse. "Why do you think you should be allowed into Heaven?"

She told him, "I was a nurse at an inner city hospital. I worked to bring healing and peace to many sufferers, ...Read more